in response to an article glorifying stalking behaviors (note: link does not go to that article, as I don’t want to give it traffic, but to another article pointing out how problematic it is)
There is absolutely nothing romantic about undermining the personhood of your love interest. There is absolutely nothing romantic about dismissing your partner’s ability to answer you with No (or about your unwillingness to accept that No as No).
How is this hard?
No does not mean “not yet but keep manipulating and pressuring me both in public and in private without respite until I have to give in to you” + bonus “turn public opinion against me as a coldblooded harpy unless I give you what you want.”
His actions show that he thinks only his feelings and decisions are important in this relationship.
And the media/ Society is telling him that he’s right to believe this. That others should believe this, too.
The presentation focuses on how he feels and what he’s doing. “HE’S still in love- awwwwwww! That means she should accept that! Obviously!”
Do they even ask how she feels or give it a second thought? No; they’ve already *dismissed* her feelings, and *even her ability to know what she feels* with “HE’S in love, therefore, THEY’RE in love. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
She’s decided to move on, but HE didn’t decide to, therefore her decision is somehow invalid and she will not be allowed to move on. HE’S decided to get back together, and she did not, but still they have to get back together, because his decision is the only important one.
Bullshit, people. This is not romantic. This is insulting, hurtful, belittling, and abusive crap. No wonder she left. No effin wonder.
He’s not in love. If he were in love, he’d respect her as a person. He’d respect her agency, her feelings, her safety. He doesn’t.
This isn’t love, this isn’t romance- this is rape culture, and we need to stop this nonsense already. It’s the twentyfirst century!
a coherent heart 