well, I’m awake now

when you’re about to fall asleep

but then you remember something that happened years ago, when someone was so hateful to your face that you froze and did nothing,

and you are now just as mad at your own failing as you are at that ass,

even though you know you were dissociating because that was what you learned to do over the years

because people were often hateful and you were at such a disadvantage of power that dissociating was your only real option

and this was true for almost your entire life

 

and maybe it is still true