Tolerance

There is no love in tolerance. Tolerance is inequality.  Tolerance says, ‘Who you are is different and wrong, but I, as the right majority, will conditionally allow your unpleasant existence to go on.’

/Amythest Schaber

 

I want to say something about two sides of tolerance.

Tolerance in the case of minorities- “live and let live”- is an incredibly low bar, with an inherent implication that those lives could be disallowed just as quickly and easily.

Tolerance of minorities is not enough. Anything less than acceptance and full fellowship is a basic denial of their humanity.

I say this and yet I will turn right around and soundly condemn a nazi. I am not going to tolerate nazis. Why not? Because nazis are not marginalized, oppressed, dehumanized; they are the marginalizers, the oppressors, the dehumanizers.

Condemning a nazi isn’t denying their humanity; It’s condemning nazism. It’s asserting that they don’t have the right to deny the humanity of anyone else. It’s the same with other, similar forms of oppression, not just nazism.

Tolerance towards those who are merely different from you is a special kind of apathy and neglect; tolerance toward those causing and seeking to cause active harm is complicity in that greater harm.

Toleration in some cases is thus this luke warm absence of conviction that other people (a minority group) have human rights, and in other cases it is outright sympathizing/ support/ enabling of harm towards such a minority.

If you’re tolerant of nazis, you’re a nazi sympathizer. If you’re tolerant of ableism, you’re supporting the oppression of disabled people. If you’re tolerant of rape culture and sexual harassment, you’re enabling rapists.

So please think twice when people (esp leaders) call for tolerance.

—————————-

And just to be clear, tolerance is always performed by the privileged/ dominant/ majority.

To say that a marginalized/ oppressed/ minority should learn to be tolerant, or that they do/don’t tolerate X, is to say the minority should learn to put up with their situation, or that they do/don’t put up with certain behaviors.

Minorities don’t “tolerate” the majority. They don’t “allow” the majority to do anything. They simply don’t have that kind of power. They have no such choice.  Tolerance is not the right word here.

A minority group may have power over another minority, but in that case, they’re not acting on their own as a minority themselves.

(I mean,  the LGTBQIA+ community itself discriminates against bi people- for one example- sometimes.  This is a case of certain lesbian, gay, etc members identifying with the non-bi majority against the bi minority.)

 

Advertisements

Women are the authority on women

language warning

24312853_10100991045179382_5051101297138743097_n

listen up fuckers, I’m tired of seeing these damn headlines in the goddamn newspaper like y’all don’t know the answer to this.

Stop asking other men how to behave around women. They have no say in the matter.

You heard me. MEN HAVE NO SAY IN THIS. And women have already fucking told you how to behave.

Stop signalling to other men that you’re distressed about your illusions of dominance crumbling before your very eyes. That’s exactly what this is and nobody with any human decency prioritizes your precious feelings over the rights of women.

Start recognizing and respecting women as actual and equal human beings. OUR SAY IS WHAT MATTERS HERE. Listen to what we have already said!

If you have to signal to other men, signal boost what we’ve been saying FOREVER about engaging in informed enthusiastic consent. Only, don’t act like it was your fucking idea that you just came up with, or mansplain it because you’re suddenly an expert.

Respond to other men’s signals of “witch hunt” with “actually just don’t be a dick: a step-by-step guide to consent that the women in your life have been trying to get you to follow this whole damn time.”

Start respecting the authority and bodily autonomy of the women in your lives.

If you can’t do that, then, yes, you’re in deep shit.

Trickle-down economics

editorial cartoon in which a person with outstretched hands says I'm waiting for the Trump trickle-down, a second person in similar stance says I'm waiting for the Bush trickle-down, and a third says I'm waiting for the Reagan trickle-down

Trickle-down economics is an outright lie. None of the wealth trickles down. No new jobs are created. Nothing.

It is a money grab, and the wealthy *never let go*. They will tell you this to your face, on camera; they have no intentions of reinvesting their new wealth into anything but their pockets- not even their own businesses.

Trickle-down is how the very rich keep getting richer, the poor keep getting poorer, and the middle class is disappearing altogether.

“Today, the top 1 percent of households own more wealth than the bottom 90 percent combined.”

<<<< That is hard for me to even fathom. And yet the rich demand more.

How foolish is Congress going to look when their wealthy donors don’t need them anymore.  Why would the super rich continue to donate to politicians after the politicians hand them all the power?

How We Write About the Nazis Next Door

Longreads

On Saturday, The New York Times published Richard Fausset’s “A Voice of Hate in America’s Heartland,” a profile of “the Nazi sympathizer next door.” Readers were quick to call the piece indefensible:

View original post 608 more words

sexual harassment and redemption arcs

cw:  sexual harassment/ abuse/assault, rape culture

I have been really upset that certain people have been called out for sexual misconduct recently.

I’m not upset that they’ve been called out, only that they’ve betrayed any kind of trust or assumption of human decency I’d given them.

I’m not all that surprised, but upset and hurt.

It is no surprise to me that this runs so deep in our culture. The depths of our culture harbor some very hurtful things.

I am not going to name (again, in some cases) who I am upset by. I am not going to do that any more.

Everything has always been about them; their careers, their contributions, their reputations, their feelings, their place in our hearts. This is as true for the harassers in business who force victims out of the workforce and harassers who make it absolutely unbearable and unsafe for victims to be in public places (from streets to college campuses) as it is about celebrities and politicians and athletes etc who make the front page.

Media runs these stories, and the accompanying photo and narrative is about the harasser (unless it is specificly designed to discredit the victim). We talk about the harasser like he’s all that’s important, whether he’s cast as evil or bumbling or set upon by harpies.

This needs to change. It is starting to change.

There are other important, interesting people in these stories. There are others with careers, contributions, and places in our hearts. At least, they would have those things if the harassers would stop keeping them from it.

The framing “those accusers ruined his career!” is rape culture. He ruined his career and theirs (and gave them life-long trauma) through his own actions.

The framing “those accusers made me feel bad about my favorite star!” is rape culture. Your favorite star betrayed you, and them; and who knows but that they would have been your favorite stars if given half a chance?

I don’t want redemption arcs for sexual harassers. That’s not because I think they are all heinous and hopeless; it’s because *THIS ISN’T ALL ABOUT THEM*. That is a separate story if it is a story at all. And quite frankly it cannot be allowed to detract from the important story: that of literally everybody else. Non male, non white, non straight, etc you see where I’m going here. The harasser isn’t the only relatable (?!?) human in the room!

Those who have been named: You have actively contributed to rape culture. You have traumatized your victims, and quite possibly ruined their lives. You have stolen them from us. And whether you assaulted, or pressured through fear, or made their very personhood a joke to be dismissed by the world, in doing so you also gave everyone around you permission/ encouragement to do the same. You were in a leadership position, people looked up to you as a mentor, and *this* is what you modeled for them to copy.

Your apology will never be enough. You must show that accusers have consequences for such actions, not just the victims. The victims will be living the consequences every day of the rest of their lives, AND YOU SHOULD, TOO.

Drop out. Resign. Retire. There is your redemption arc, if one exists.

The rest of us need to hold sexual harassers responsible and enforce the consequences of their actions. Every sexual harasser. Every consequence. Every time.

And then we need to focus our attention on listening to and creating the narrative where we lift the victims up, and build a world where there are no such victims. We need a redemption arc for our society, our nation, our world. That can only begin when we realize the story isn’t just about these men.

Autistics Speaking Day 2017: What I would say to autistic people who want a cure

Chavisory's Notebook

ASDay 2017

Autistics Speaking Day was founded several years ago in response to a particularly ill-conceived charity campaign, as a way of resisting the narrative that we are or should be silent or non-communicative. We’ve utilized it, largely, to talk and write about the truths of our lives and refute common misconceptions to a largely non-autistic audience.

It has been less focused on autistic people speaking to each other. That’s what I’m hoping to do today.

Recently I was asked, in the context of a broader conversation on Twitter about the foundational principles of neurodiversity, what I would say to autistic people who do want a cure or support the development of a cure for autism. This post is adapted from that discussion. I’m not sure it’s what the person who asked me expected, and I’m not sure how many people who fit that description might ever read this, but, well, this…

View original post 1,139 more words

The Me book and My Autistic Reading

What kind of therapy do we do to get over going through ABA?

That’s not a rhetorical question 😦

Felis Autisticus

Last week, I read the ME book, Ivar Lovaas’s manual for parents on how to train a child through behavior modification. I even liveblogged my reactions to a set list of facebook friends. I’m going to compile those snippets here for everyone to see and read as they please, but I want to say something first.

I started out– and you’ll see this in my reactions, perhaps– with a flippant, how-bad-could-it-be, surely-I’ve-heard-worse attitude. Not to downplay the awful of the ME book, but surely I’ve seen some shit and it won’t affect me. Nothing affects me. I don’t emotions well.

But as you see in the increasing anger in my posts, it got to me. There’s something about reading a book designed to facilitate abuse, there’s something about this book, that just burns deep inside.

View original post 5,819 more words